So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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