It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
