So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
