she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
