well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
