i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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