don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
