just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
