Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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