Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
