My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
