To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
