FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
