She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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