It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
