This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
