$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
