he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
