I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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