We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
