i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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