I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
