So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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