you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
