The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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