I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
