Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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