ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
