Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
