Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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