You're my little dorito
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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