How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
