Duck Duck Cougar?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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