so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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