I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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