New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
