3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
