I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
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