i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
