Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
