i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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