i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
