It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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