Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
