hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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