You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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