Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
