Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
