I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
