you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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