Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
