He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
