Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
