I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
