he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
