also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
