Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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