i just had sex bonerless
You smell like stripper and shame
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
