I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
