NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I still have a little drunk in my system
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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