Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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