She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
