OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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