I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
