When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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