You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
