cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
