I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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