For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
