The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize