ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
