my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize