Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
