I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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